Forgiveness is a muscle that needs to be strengthened throughout one’s life. It is not easy if it’s not practiced often. Sometimes it’s hard to know where to begin, especially if the hurt feels deep. But there are a few practical actions you (and your children) can take to grow in a forgiving heart. 

Acknowledge the Hurt – To put aside any hurt that was caused would be more detrimental to the process of forgiveness. Recognize the hurt for what it is and help your children see that it is ok to have those feelings as long as they do not take harmful action with them.

Seek Perspective – In a number of cases, if you are hurt by another, it may be because they are struggling with something or may not be thinking about your feelings! Giving the other person the benefit of the doubt will give you another perspective that can aid in forgiving.

Set Boundaries – If necessary, establish healthy boundaries to protect yourself from further harm. This can be part of the forgiveness process and a way to prioritize your well-being.

Express Feelings – Sharing your feelings with a spouse, trusted friend, or advisor can help you in forgiving as they can listen well and help to provide perspective and understanding. Building a foundation of trust with your children will also encourage them to come to you when they struggle.

Write a Letter – Rather than sharing your feelings in the instant you feel them, write a letter about what has hurt you, how you can look at the situation from a different perspective, and the steps you could manageably take to begin the process of forgiveness. 

Choose to Forgive – Forgiveness is a choice. Making the active decision to forgive requires releasing any and all feelings associated with the emotional pain. It does not mean you will forget the wrongdoing, but it does allow you to free yourself from the negative emotions surrounding the hurt.

By beginning with these simple actions, the process of forgiveness will be easier. You can share these actions with your children so that the muscle of forgiveness will be strong as they grow up and interact with others.