As you educate your children in their Christian Faith, Jesus’ message of friendship as self-sacrifice may often make its way into your conversations. On its surface, it seems so simple – Jesus loves us all so much that he gave his life so we could go to heaven. However, as the little ones start getting older, perhaps seeing friendships on movies or TV that are a little less than Christ-like (friendships of utility or convenience), the concept of friendship and our capacity to be true friends may get a little murky. Still, as parents its essential that we help children build strong friendships. 

“No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” 

Here are a few tools parents can use to assist children in build strong friendships amongst peers that solidify their Christian identity and help them be good examples within their families and community. 

Three Tools for Parents to Help Children Build Strong Friendships:

Generosity

If we practice detachment and generosity in our daily lives, Christ’s commandment in friendship (and in life) to be willing to lay down one’s life for one’s friends seems a little less impossible. 

While most of us won’t have the opportunity to give our life for our friend, we can practice daily mortifications which help us detach from our selfishness and look outward at our neighbors’ needs. For kids, this might mean letting their baby sister get the last cookie or helping their sibling complete a task before bed if they’re feeling sleepy.

Humility

Another key virtue in Christian friendship is humility, which requires us to see things as they truly are, including ourselves. If we think we’re above the trials associated with human interaction, that we’re better than the silly people in our lives, and choose not to interact with them, we cut ourselves off from great opportunities for growth and evangelization. 

For kids, practicing humility could start with a firm understanding of the “why” behind saying please, thank you, and I’m sorry. We use our manners to communicate respect to others and to make our language more appealing. By using good manners, we tell our friends that they matter, and politeness in childhood can easily pave the way for more grown-up phrases like How can I help you or Let me know what you need from me. 

Joy 

Finally, a cardinal principle of Christian friendship is not just the gift of self, but the joyous gift of self. Christ teaches us to go above and beyond what is just or fair in friendship and give of ourselves cheerfully and wholeheartedly- to embrace a love that knows no limits. 

When we let our negativity dominate our conversations with friends, or outwardly complain about our annoyances and tribulations, we take away from their joy and benefit. And a true, Christian friend cares deeply about their neighbor’s joy- they don’t want to risk tarnishing it. So, they don’t take that risk. They choose joy over gloominess. And this, more often than not, can be a daunting endeavor. 

Children can practice the virtue of joy by choosing not to dwell on something their brother or sister did against them, or by saying thank you instead of complaining when their happy meal isn’t what they wanted. Parents can help foster a sense of joy and gratitude by teaching them phrases like, I know that’s not what we wanted, but we can be thankful that we have food to eat.

True Christian friendship requires the full gift of self, which is easier said than done. But by focusing on the featured virtues of generosity, humility, and joy as tools for parents to help children build strong friendships, children can embrace their Christian identity and foster the life skills necessary for them to create relationships that are fruitful and lasting.